I gave an interview about coaching and bad habits and I though this
transcript could be of interest to my website visitors. If you have a
bad habit you'd like to lose, then coaching can help, and I invite you
to contact me to talk about it.
1. What are the main bad habits that people usually try and give up?
When they’re ready to be self-aware and self-honest, people try
to give up those habits which don’t serve them - they’re destructive
in some way. Smoking and excessive drinking are the obvious habits people
try to give up, but in my practice, I deal more with personal growth and
the habits which limit that. Above all, procrastination is the biggy –
why do today what you can put off indefinitely? People procrastinate about
everything from dusting to divorcing. Decades pass and we’re still
in the wrong marriage, in the wrong job, in the wrong climate or under
the wrong haircut.
2. How can we succeed in giving up bad habits in the long-term?
Coaches know that it is not intellect that drives behaviour. If that
were true, there would be no obesity, for example. The intellectual solution
to obesity is a no-brainer – eat less and exercise more. But of
course that’s not helpful. So – what drives behaviour? BELIEFS.
Our beliefs about the world and our part in it, are what determines what
we do. An understanding of that single fact is a very powerful tool in
the coach’s armoury.
Beliefs are generally formed in childhood, and they’re viciously
tenacious. What’s even worse about beliefs is that we often don’t
recognise that we have them. They sit in our heads – immovable and
hidden – directing the course of our lives. We are oblivious.
3. What is the general process in giving up?
The exact process varies from client to client. Essential first steps
include recognizing the habit, and recognising its impact on the client’s
life. This is really the removal of denial. Once that’s done, I
help my clients to look at their habit in context – where are they?
How are they feeling? What does the habit give them that they like? This
is useful cognitive analysis, but it won’t release the habit’s
strangle hold. Next I explore my client’s beliefs. It’s always
difficult and it’s impossible to do for yourself. A common belief
is that the habit is the enemy – but it’s important to recognise
that the habit is part of you currently are. Another belief is that the
habit is really inevitable and that resistance is futile. This one under-pins
almost all human failing. Other beliefs might involve low self-esteem,
hostility towards groups of people or things, ideas about punishment or
self and others, and so on. These limiting beliefs must be discovered,
explored, and dismantled. This is what frees up the way for change. Alongside
this general process, I may use any of a variety of techniques from NLP
(Neuro-Linguistic Programming) to help my clients break free.
4. What are Your Top Tips For Giving Up?
Get help. Give me money, dammit! But seriously, these are my top tips
for breaking a destructive habit:
a. Be kind to yourself. DO NOT punish yourself when you lapse. Just
smile, and get back on the wagon. When you’re doing your habit
– just be calmly aware of it.
b. Find yourself a support structure to supplement your own willpower
and energy. A group of friends, a slimming club, etc.
c. Be goal-focused – not problem focused – so think about
how things will be when (yes when) your habit is gone – don’t
dwell on how bad things are now.
d. Find a way to energise your positive goal – what that means
for you depends on you and your goal – it might be an inspiring
picture to hang in your office
e. Find a way to maintain focus on your goal to break this habit. Maybe
you can pin a note above your bathroom mirror.
f. Get help on those beliefs!
5. What is a Good Time to Start?
There is only ever one good time to start working on a better life for
yourself. And that time is NOW.
6. Is giving things up good for you?
Growth means change and change can be difficult and scary. Making room
for some nice new stuff by dumping some nasty old stuff is always a good
deal.
7. If giving up feels impossible, can we make changes for improvement
instead?
Yes! See that “feels impossible” in there? That’s a
self-limiting belief. One way to break it down, it a brick at a time.
Small changes add up – eat your elephant a bite at a time.
If you have a bad habit you'd like to lose,
then coaching can help, and
I invite you to contact me to talk about it.
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