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Life
Coaching..
Building Focus, Energy & Courage - to Make a Better Life for You |
Your Friends Control Who You Are - so choose them Wisely
They say you can judge a person by the friends they keep,
and I think this is true on several levels. That saying means that you
can tell a lot about someone by knowing who they keep as friends. But
many life coaches know that the friends you have also shape who you
are. You spend a lot of time with your friends, and you look to them
for approval and support. So their influence can be large.
That all sounds great, but this is a cycle of influence
which can act to keep people in small unhappy lives. Here's how.
You choose your friends based on who you are comfortable with. They support
your self-image and your values. Which is another way of saying they can
prevent you from growing. Other factors can come into play; do you have
friends who send you chocolate when you're on a diet? Or friends who tell
you to back away from a scary challenge - or who keep you tied into destructive
habits?
We can see friendships in a new light - as people who
can help us to grow as human beings. Such friends may not be as unswervingly
supportive or infallibly predictable, but they will be one of the most
pleasant and interesting ways there is for you to become a better, happier
person.
Here are my top tips for maximizing
the benefits of your friendships:
1. Raise your awareness. Friends have
a large influence on your experience of life, your views about the world
and your place in it. So each time you are with friends, make time to
step out of the relationship and look back into it with a critical eye.
How do you feel about the company of each of your friends? Why are you
still friends? Is the friendship growing or shrinking? What function
does each friendship serve in your life? By growing this awareness,
all kinds of positive actions will become possible for cultivating the
best set of friends you could hope for, and that will make your life
very significantly better.
2. Have more than one. It’s
not just that variety is a Good Thing; friendships go up and down, and
if you only have one – and it’s down – you don’t
have a friend! As well as that, each friendship offers you different
things and with a few friends to choose from, you have rich resources
at your disposal.
3. Break out of the box. Are all your
mates from your schooldays? From work? From your neighbourhood or social
class? Are they all of the same gender or outlook? By limiting yourself
to people like you, you place yourself in a box from where you are unlikely
to hear radically different views of the world, learn new techniques,
or see different and perhaps better life choices in action. So try to
find new kinds of friends from different backgrounds.
4. Givers and takers. Does your friend
leave you feeling better or worse? Good friendships are all about mutual
support and growth, but some friends are big takers – they dump
their problems on you, tell you what you can’t do, play on your
fears and keep you where you are. You may want to limit how often you
see these friends, and so limit their drain on your own energies. Instead,
find friends where the balance is more even; where mutual support and
growth is the norm.
Of course, you may find huge comfort in long-familiar,
predictable and unconditionally supportive friends, and if so, you should
keep at least one on your list! But it might be worth considering how
adding some new and different blood into your social set might help you
towards your new, happier life.
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