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Who Are You?
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What is a Value?A value is "a moral principle or accepted standard of a person or group", and a principle is "the distinction between good and bad or right and wrong". These distinctions about right and wrong are made by us - the value and principle holders. Your values define, to an extent, who you are, and how you will relate to the world around you and the people in it. But coaches also pay attention to client values as they relate to their goals. It's important that clients select goals which align well with their values. |
You can get a feel for your values by asking yourself What are the values which you must honour in your life? Answers might include honesty, fairness, the rule of law, success, kindness, etc.
But that won't flush them all out, so here are some ideas to get at the rest.
You know how, if you're thinking of buying a new car of a certain type, then you'll keep seeing that type of car in the streets? That's because of a part of your brain called the "Reticular Activating System" (R.A.S.). When you load your new car into your conscious thinking, your RAS will note that you have an interest in it, and it will remain alert for relevant sensory data and make sure that your conscious mind it made aware of it. It will do this subconsciously - you will need no effort to make it work. Those pink mercedes convertibles were out there before, but your R.A.S. wasn't programmed and so you never noticed them.
Well, now that you have examined these values of yours, they will be in your R.A.S. and believe me (!) they will start to trigger new awareness. Throughout your day, you'll see events unfolding and you'll see how these events relate to your values.
One way to leverage and prolong this effect is to prioritise your list of beliefs in order of the impact you feel it has had on your life. Then arrange to have it tap you on the shoulder at regular intervals for a week or more. (You can use your mobile phone alarms, PC diary, Post It notes, office talisman - whatever to get this done). Change the beliefs you get reminded off when the benefits start to fade.
I strongly commend this work to you. It will tell you far more about yourself and the way the world works (and why it sometimes doesn't) than anything else I know of.
Once you understand your values you can actively seek out life opportunities which support them, and similarly, you can actively avoid or minimize situations which violate them. Look around your life and ask yourself these questions:
Cultivate raising your awareness of these issues in your moment-by-moment existence, and look for opportunities - even tiny ones - to better align your life with your values. Over time, increased happiness is the inevitable result.
Have Fun with it!
If you haven't already seen it, you might want to read this sister article on beliefs.
I've helped many many clients to find their core values. I have got it down to a fine art. It takes between one and two phone coaching sessions. At the end you should have a list of between three and seven very short (less than five words each) values statements. When you have those, you'll be able to understand your life to date far more clearly. You'll understand why you did what you did, why you gravitate to certain situations and people. Why some things were miserable and others made you sing. And with that new clarity you'll also be able to assess new opportunities faster, and more accurately, and the certainty you find will allow you to commit more fully to the effort and resilience it usually takes to make real, lasting happiness appear in your life.
If you'd like to explore that option with me, just book an initial £10 phone consultation.
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